“People cheat out of hopelessness,” says Klapow. Sometimes, cheating isn’t motivated by anger but as a means to regain control, and to find a safe retreat from a tumultuous relationship. Nelson believes that cheating partners can reform and commit, “unless they repeat the infidelity pattern over and over.” She recommends couples therapy and coaching for attachment issues. When things get serious, they may have to create distance to deal with their own reticence.”
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“An affair buys them time to decide how to handle the growing connection in your relationship. “Sometimes a cheating partner fears the intimacy of an attached or committed partnership not because they are a bad person or they want out, but because the intensity of the bond between you is overwhelming,” explains Nelson. This is especially common among people carrying trauma from past abusive relationships with caregivers or partners: They may fear getting close again because they’ve been hurt in the past. Tammy Nelson, board-certified sexologist and licensed relationship therapist. Whether you’ve been cheated on, have cheated in the past, or are hoping to better understand why someone might decide to blow up their relationship, read on for these insights from psychologists into how cheaters think and feel - and why they may be drawn to infidelity.įor some, cheating is a way to put emotional distance between them and their partner, if things are moving too fast, or the intimacy of the relationship triggers an avoidant attachment response, according to Dr. The stereotypes about cheaters are often quite black-and-white, but the motivations behind the actions are more nuanced than common narratives about cheating would have you believe. “However, there are a collection of very distinct psychological patterns that cover the vast majority of reasons why people cheat.” Psychologists have observed these patterns over the years and have found certain explanations for their behaviors in things like conflict-avoidance, shame, and passive-aggression. “There is not one single reason or path for cheating in a relationship,” Joshua Klapow, clinical psychologist and host of The Kurre and Klapow Show tells Bustle. But exploring how cheaters think can provide insight into their motivations for breaking their partners’ trust and seeking intimacy elsewhere. While infidelity is a fairly common phenomenon, we don’t talk enough about the psychology behind why people stray outside of their relationships. Cheating is a pattern of behavior, but it often aligns with certain thought patterns.
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